Sunday, 20 January 2013

The Black Dog

"And yet he was not happy – nor comfortable.  There was a hard, opposing core in him, that neither the whisky nor the woman could dissolve or soothe, to-night. It remained hard, nay became harder and more deeply antagonistic to his surroundings, every moment. He recognized it as a secret malady he suffered from: this strained, unacknowledged opposition to his surroundings, a hard core of irrational, exhausting withholding of himself. Irritating, because he still wanted to give himself.  A woman and whisky, these were usually a remedy – and music. But lately these had begun to fail him. No, there was something in him that would not give in – neither to the whisky, nor the woman, nor even the music. Even in the midst of his best music, it sat deep established in him, this obstinate black dog, and growled and wasnever cajoled. He knew of its presence – and was a little uneasy. For, of course, he wanted to let himself go: to feel rosy and loving and all that. But at the very thought, the black dog showed its teeth."